anatomy-of-recovery:

I was looking through old pictures again on my laptop (I know, I know, why torture myself?) when I came across this picture.  I realized that this picture shows more of my eating disorder than any of the pictures of ribs or hipbones or shrinking breasts and thighs.  I hope this image isn’t too triggering for anyone, I just have some things that I need to say.

This is a girl with the saddest eyes.

This is a girl who is shivering alone in bed on a Friday night, unable to warm herself up even under an electric blanket.

This is a girl whose body will not allow her to sleep more than three hours a night as it frantically tries to keep her alive.

This is a girl who is actually a 21 year old woman, now back in the body of an 11 year old child.

This is a girl whose boyfriend cries when he sees her naked and has nightmares about finding her dead.

This is a girl who went un-missed and unnoticed when she disappeared for three weeks because, to her friends, she had disappeared long before that.

This is a girl whose heart is beating too slowly.

This is a ghost of a girl.

Anorexia will not make you skinny for summer, it will not make you popular, it will not make you beautiful, it will not make boys fall for you, it will not make people notice you, it will not make your life glamorous, it will not solve any of your problems.